He Wants, He Wills, His Will and Our Selfishness

Tonight while working in Ingram lobby I decided I needed to go ahead and type up my answers to the questions in my RA application. I was in the zone when answering them too, the first two questions done in no more than 10 minutes and both about a page long each. The last question was a breeze too, but the third one gave me the most trouble. The main part of the question was what I would hope to do to contribute to the on-campus community. It seemed easy enough at first. Before I realized it though, I was already done and had put the word "I" about 15 times in about two paragraphs. Looking back over it, I noticed my selfishness in the acts "I" was trying to commit and what "I" was going to try to contribute and accomplish and not what God "wanted" to contribute through me and what God was "willing" to do through me.

Yes, I put quotes over those two words, why? Because that is exactly what we fail to realize as Christians in our everyday walk. We believe that because God loves us and we love Him and we do things for Him that He is going to do things through us. We do not see past that. We are blind sometimes to the fact that as Dr. Wilson said in class one day last week "God does not need us" ,period, the end! There is no more! God does not need or have to use us vile creatures of sin and death to fulfill what He wants in this world. The thing I've realized tonight though is God "wants" the world to change for the better. He "wants" the world to come to Him. He "wants" so much for the world to just come back to Him and praise Him. But that does not mean because we are Christians He NEEDS us to do this. He has the awesome power to do it all on His own. But God is "willing" to humble himself daily and give His power to us so that we may do His work on this world. Did you catch that? God gives US HIS POWER!!! We have His power so that we may fulfill what He wants in this world. But on a second note of that is that just because God "wants" to give us His power to do His will does not mean He is "willing" to in every action. Just like the apostle Paul was called to wait and be patient before entering Asia minor God sometimes calls us to wait. He is not "willing" at that very moment to let His power through us be shown.

We are so selfish in this fact we believe that just because we have His power because His Son died and that because we are known as His children we are free to use His power whenever we want to. Sometimes we want to because we know we have the power, but it's not always for His glory, sometimes it's for ours. Just to stand up and say, you know what, "I' have the power of Christ let "me" do this, not that God was "willing" to give us His power so that we may do HIS work. That's exactly what I was subconsciously thinking when writing out my answer to that last question. In my mind I was thinking how great it would be if "I" could do all this to contribute to this campus. It wasn't until I was completely done with my thought I decided to correct my mistake. I had to add in the answer that I was being selfish and that it's not going to be because of me that the contributions change anything it's going to be the awesome power of God through me if it is HIS WILL. Notice the root word of "willing" is "will". God's will will be done when He is willing to give us what He wants to give us. We don't automatically just earn it or get to do it because we are His. He still has Divine authority over us. This is something I have completely missed and am now reiterating to myself tonight during this blog.

God show me what Your will for my life and those around me is. Not only show me though, let me know through the Holy Spirit when You are willing to let me do something about it. Don't let me be stupid and screw something up because I want to be recognized. If I do not listen to the Holy Spirit then through Your power physically or mentally stop me so that I do not ruin something in order to make my name higher above Yours. Let me be able to completely humble myself in knowing it is Your power that You are willing to give me so that I may do Your will, not that because I came to You I deserve Your power to do these things. Give me wisdom and strength to continue striving forward for You. I thank You and praise You. AMEN!

Wrong Blog Name

It’s been a while since I last wrote something because I have been so busy. Yet, today I find myself in a place and time where there is not a whole lot to do and God has been laying it on my heart to write. The Holy Spirit has been hitting me and hitting me below the belt it feels like in the past couple of weeks. I’ve been dealing with a lot, family issues, work issues and just spiritual issues. It’s like Satan and I have been playing a football game and every time I score Satan gets the ball back, hikes it, runs it up the middle and bulldozes me over into the ground. The bad thing about all of it is, even though I have been closer to God than ever I still find myself sitting Him on the bench while I stand and get pushed around.
A good friend of mine wrote on his future wife and the Devine Romance between us and God. It really it home to me, not that I didn’t already know what the Devine Romance was nor that he was longing so much for his future wife. But in his words lied a subliminal message from the Holy Spirit to me. I realize now through the Holy Spirit speaking through him that I have not been acting the same as I should. I have the feelings and the thoughts and as another friend wrote, longing to worship him, so much yet, I have not been very willing to act upon them. I find myself realizing my blog name should not be the way I have written it. Instead it should read “Actions of a Martyr” not “Voice of a Martyr.” I know my last blog really hit on taking actions as people and being persecuted, etc. The Holy Spirit though has been dogging me lately about my title and what it means for me and most of us as Christians in America. We love to hear stories of God’s love and how much people are willing to pay for Him in their lives. It saddens us, yes, but it’s heartwarming for us to think, “I could do that” or “I want to do that, so God give me the opportunity” but the reality is He has been giving us opportunities every single day of our lives as Christians. In the words we speak, in the thoughts we think, in the choices we make, who we give our hearts to, etc. We have opportunities every single day to stand up and speak out, to perform actions that show we can be martyrs for God.
Yet, the chilling fact the Holy Spirit has revealed to me, that like most people, I am not what I say I am. That my blog name IS WRONG, because I should not just be the voice, but the hands and the feet. Yet, until I can truly act on behalf of God that’s all I’ll ever be….a Voice!

Holy Spirit, continue to convict me in the many things I do daily. Keep knocking me in the head, continue to break through my what seems to be hardened heart. Make me and mold me into the man that will be the hands and feet, not just the voice of someone longing to be a martyr. Father God, please be my Rock and my Fortress, so that when I do act and Satan throws me to the ground and I run away scared I can come back to You to rebuild my strength. Give me guidance and peace and a longing to keep going with my worship for you, so that I never am content with where I am in You, but that I accept the fact there is so much of You to learn that I will strive and strive and strive to fill You up inside of me. Finally, Jesus, thank you for riding into town 2008 years ago today and knowing you would die no more than a week later for my and everyone else’s sins. For without You I would still be nothing, I would still be dead. But, I AM ALIVE BECAUSE YOU ARE ALIVE IN ME!! I love You and praise You. Amen!